yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
