don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Naked Twister starts at high noon
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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