I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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