wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
