She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
