Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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