Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
