this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
