And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
