I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
