He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
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She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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