you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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