Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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