So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
