Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
