You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
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Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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