yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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