every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
