dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
