drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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