Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
