It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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