I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
