I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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