Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
