He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
