he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
