I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
