"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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