my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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