Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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