I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
