It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
