I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish you could order shots online.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
