Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
