the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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