Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
accomplished twins. life is a go
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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