On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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