if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.