Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pants are for mortals
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard