AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
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She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha