What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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