Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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