we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
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Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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