oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
