It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
