see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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