butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
