Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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