How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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