Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
