I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
