why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
