i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
