I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
