my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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