How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just had sex on a roof
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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