my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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