Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
