it hurts more in the daytime
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
