I will die if light touches me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
