the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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